Asian Metal invents new ”strongest guitar string ever”. Tunes below audible levels; elephants start headbanging
“It’s metal, epic, and also cheeky and fun. Like playing pingpong with a soulforged runeblade.” – Random Minion
Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickenson Admits: ”Yes, I took a few vocal lessons from Fang.”
“When you’re on a month-long tour, you learn to covertly masturbate in public bathrooms.” – Anonymous Sage Advice Guy
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“This music is akin to watching a community theater production of Excalibur, while a freshly shaved and oiled pool boy massages your back and feeds you liqueur filled chocolates while humming the soundtrack to the Dungeons and Dragons Movie Starring Marlon Wayans (I swear it’s real).” – Actual Internet Comment
”Death to false metal” – Everyone
Brown note discovered; Pontifex Mortis vows to ”never play that note again”.
Asian Metal on Frostburn – ”It’s ACTUALLY pretty good!”
”Frostburn” preemptively banned in 36 countries by the UN. Germany fears riots
Critics rave about Lords of the Trident: ”I wish I had time to grow a mullet out for this!”
Medium channels ghost of Dio so he can listen to Frostburn; ”It’s what he would’ve wanted” – Dio’s Estate
After watching the LORDS: “I can’t tell if I’ve done a lot of drugs, or had a lot of sex!” – Concertgoer
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