“When you’re on a month-long tour, you learn to covertly masturbate in public bathrooms.” – Anonymous Sage Advice Guy
C|XXXXX{}:::::::::::::::::::::::::>
Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickenson Admits: ”Yes, I took a few vocal lessons from Fang.”
”Frostburn” preemptively banned in 36 countries by the UN. Germany fears riots
“It’s metal, epic, and also cheeky and fun. Like playing pingpong with a soulforged runeblade.” – Random Minion
Medium channels ghost of Dio so he can listen to Frostburn; ”It’s what he would’ve wanted” – Dio’s Estate
( . Y . )
”Death to false metal” – Everyone
Asian Metal on Frostburn – ”It’s ACTUALLY pretty good!”
Critics rave about Lords of the Trident: ”I wish I had time to grow a mullet out for this!”
After watching the LORDS: “I can’t tell if I’ve done a lot of drugs, or had a lot of sex!” – Concertgoer
“This music is akin to watching a community theater production of Excalibur, while a freshly shaved and oiled pool boy massages your back and feeds you liqueur filled chocolates while humming the soundtrack to the Dungeons and Dragons Movie Starring Marlon Wayans (I swear it’s real).” – Actual Internet Comment
Brown note discovered; Pontifex Mortis vows to ”never play that note again”.
Asian Metal invents new ”strongest guitar string ever”. Tunes below audible levels; elephants start headbanging

Recent News and Upcoming Battles:

Friday August 19
Thursday October 13
8:00 pm - 11:55 pm Chicago, IL
Friday October 14
8:00 pm - 11:55 pm Grand Rapids, MI – Turnstiles
Saturday October 15
Friday November 4
8:00 pm - 11:30 pm SECRET PATREON-ONLY CONCERT
Thursday December 1
8:00 am - 11:00 pm JAPAN TOUR 2022
Saturday April 15
No event found!